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Horror Hangouts's avatar

reading this made me think I have a long way to go when it comes to great writing. This whole story was tense and disturbing. You did a fantactic job describing and presenting the pure horro and dread of the situation. Escellent work.

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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

"reading this made me think I have a long way to go when it comes to great writing..." that is truly such a wonderful compliment. I'm very touched that you enjoyed this., as I have spent many many hours on it.

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Nicole Lise Feingold's avatar

This is quite haunting! Kudos!

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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

Thanks for the comment! I'm uncertain about how I feel… probably because I spent a MONTH writing it! So, it seems I may have spent too much time with with to even have an opinion, you know? If you'd like to, I would be very excited to hear from you. Just in general or specific. Anything would be helpful. 💛

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Nicole Lise Feingold's avatar

Horror isn’t my genre, but I can see the strength in your storytelling. Your essay is gripping and immersive with a strong buildup of tension. The pacing is effective, though the double climax (near rescue and final twist ) could be streamlined for greater impact. Just my two cents.

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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

I appreciate your input. Very much so. When you say to 'streamline' it towards the end, are you saying that you think cutting out context in some places would benefit? Or that it should be refined for clarity? 💛

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Nicole Lise Feingold's avatar

Again, I am by no means an expert. This is just my opinion. Decide if the peak is the false rescue or the final twist. If the latter, shorten the near-rescue to keep the tension high. Hope that helps!

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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

I gave the whole thing a revision. Maybe it's worth another peep through?

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